


the angel from my nightmare

by thetruthmayvary



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-06
Updated: 2012-11-06
Packaged: 2017-11-18 02:56:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/556109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thetruthmayvary/pseuds/thetruthmayvary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Meeting a man of your dreams is a good thing, right? But what if those dreams are actually nightmares?</p>
            </blockquote>





	the angel from my nightmare

_Liam was walking down the familiar alley, his legs twitching nervously as if just waiting for the moment they will have to break into a run. His head was spinning rapidly in all directions, his mind desperately trying to take in all 360 degrees of his surroundings, because the only way he could cope, the only way he could keep on moving was to make sure no one was following him._

_But he knew someone was._

_He lasted only couple of minutes more before he started running. If he could only reach his house before the stranger caught up with him, he would be fine._

_He was fast – all those hours spent training were finally proving good for something._

_He knew he was probably faster than the stranger, but the stranger had some hidden advantage, Liam was sure of it. He didn’t know what it was, but it was there, he could feel it, just like he could feel the stranger himself._

_There was only one more turn before his street came into the view, but instead of feeling lighter, Liam felt even more scared. What if the stranger caught up with him right when he was about to unlock his door? What kind of sick, twisted irony would that be?_

_He reached the turn, and just as he was about the let his eyes roam around and find his home, his safety, he bumped into something hard and warm._

_It was a man. It was the stranger._

_He couldn’t have possibly seen him. It was pitch dark outside, except for the deem light from the street lamps, but those weren’t enough to expose the dark stranger that has conveniently located himself under the big cherry tree one of Liam’s neighbours was very proud of._

_His hair was black, or maybe it just seemed black because of the dark, Liam wasn’t sure. He was dressed in all black too, but despite his darkness and the darkness outside Liam couldn’t fail to notice that he was ridiculously handsome. His features were probably the most beautiful ones Liam has ever set his eyes on. He was like an angel…An angel of the dark._

_But the glow in his eyes and the evil smirk that was dancing on his lips made him seem more like a devil, and Liam’s body didn’t forget to react to those signs of danger – his knees were shaking, his palms were sweating and he could literally hear his own heart beating violently in the silent night._

_He broke into a run again, not even wasting time now to turn his head around to check if the stranger was following him, somehow he knew he must have been._

_He reached his front doors and pushed his trembling hand into his pocket to pull out the keys. He retreated them and somehow managed to push the right one into the locker. He turned it around once, twice and he was in. He locked the door behind him swiftly and took a few seconds to lean on the door, close his eyes and just be thankful that he’s finally safe._

_“You think you can run away from me? When will you learn? You can’t run away,” a soft voice said, too soft to belong to any dangerous stranger, but it did, it belonged to him. Liam knew that even though this was the first time he had heard him speak. The bigger problem was that the voice has come from somewhere inside the house, somewhere close, far too close…Liam’s eyes snapped open at once and it only took one beat of the heart until the stranger was right in front of him._

_And right besides him, and behind him, he was everywhere. His pupils were blown wide, only a thin circle of hazel surrounding them, and his voice filled the silence once more._

_“You can’t run away…I’m in your head Liam…A part of your mind.”_

_And it did feel like he was in his head, his face filled his vision wherever he turn his head to, his voice didn’t die out, it kept repeating those five last words, but he couldn’t touch him. He should have been touching him, seeing how close he was standing, on all sides of him, but he couldn’t. But he could touch him outside, couldn’t he? What changed now? His head started aching, it felt like the stranger words were causing him physical pain, couldn’t he just shut up?_

_His words were coming out in such rapid sequence now that Liam wouldn’t been able to catch up, hadn’t he already had them memorized. He closed his eyes, and covered his ears, he felt like a five year old, desperately trying to shield himself from the cruel world, but he didn’t care, not if that would help him shield himself from this unmerciful stranger._

He didn’t have time to test that theory because suddenly he was awake in his bed, bathing in a pool of sweat.

This was the third time that week he had that same dream. Well not exactly the same, they always seemed to differ in some minor details, but the ending was always the same, that dark stranger was always the same.

He used his sheet to wipe off the sweat from his forehead, but then decided that it was probably better if he just took a shower before heading to the cafeteria to meet the lads.

The cafeteria was already full when he got there, but Liam didn’t have any trouble spotting three familiar mops of hair, one blond, one curly and one sticking in all directions, as if its owner couldn’t be bothered to use a comb so early in the morning.

When he reached the table, he was greeted with three smiles and the same number of voiced greetings. He said “Good morning” in return, and forced his facial muscles to form some kind of smile. His friends didn’t react to the obviously fake formation of it, they were far too used to it by now.

“Aren’t you going to get something to eat?” Niall asked, his own plate full of the kind of food normal people would never even consider having for breakfast.

“I’m not really hungry,” Liam murmured and ignored the shocked expression that appeared on Niall’s face after hearing that.

“You should eat,” Harry told him, in a tone full of understanding for the reason he didn’t feel like doing just that. Liam wasn’t surprised - out of all of his friends only Harry seemed to even remotely get what he was going through.

Liam wanted to reply with something like “I’ll eat later”, but something, or rather someone caught his eye.

A few tables away from theirs, a group of guys sat, laughing at what was probably a joke told by one of them. It was the one whose face was directed directly at Liam’s that made Liam stare - he had black hair, hazel eyes and was wearing a plain white t-shirt. He could have been an average student, only he was too good-looking for that.

His cheekbones, his full lips and long, long eyelashes separated him from the crowd, and made him look like a fashion model who got lost in a sea of mundane people.

It was the frightening stranger from his dreams.

The guys obviously noticed he was staring, because they started snickering and teasing.

“See something you like, Liam?” Louis asked, pointing his head in what he thought was a discrete manner in the stranger’s direction.

“He is hot, I have to admit,” Harry commented, but quickly added “Not nearly as hot as you of course” to Louis when he gave him a questioning look.

Liam wondered how did all of them mistake his shocked expression for a one of lust. He also wondered if he should feel scared, after all it was this same face that caused him so much agony in his dreams. But he didn’t feel scared at all. Maybe it was the fact that it was daylight, and they were in a cafeteria full of students, or maybe it was the expression on the stranger’s face – it resembled nothing like the one he always saw in his nightmares.

The dark glow in his eyes was replaced by warmth, the evil smirk with a genuine smile, and all together the devil was replaced by a true angel.

And Liam still couldn’t stop staring.

The guys at the other table noticed this too, how could they not, so the stranger was staring back at him now.

“Liam?” Niall asked tentatively.

“Yes? I was just…I mean…I think I know that guy for somewhere,” Liam responded and finally directed his gaze at his friends and not the smiling stranger.

“Well, I think he knows you too, mate, ‘cause he’s coming over,” Louis told him, and did the very non-discrete head point once again.

Liam’s heart started racing, and he took a quick glance to check if Louis was telling the truth. He was, the stranger was walking right towards him, his smile still in place on his features.

“Hey,” a soft voice greeted, the same one that caused his temples to feel like they’re on fire merely an hour ago, but this time, all Liam felt was a rising bubbly feeling in his stomach.

“I’m Zayn,” the stranger continued when Liam gave him no answer.

It took Liam several more minutes to compose himself, until he cleared his throat, and said “Hi, I’m Liam”, while shaking Zayn’s hand and thinking that his dreams wouldn’t be nightmares at all if he could only touch the stranger in them. Zayn’s touch felt so warm and comforting and  _real_  that there would be no place left for fear.

“I saw you around campus a couple of times, I thought it was time we actually met,” Zayn declared and than took the empty seat next to Liam, nodding in greeting to the other boys.

“Really?” was all Liam managed to choke out. He knew he must have seen him too – how else could he dream about him? But as hard as he tried, he couldn’t remember the occasion.

“Yes, really,” Zayn laughed. “Maybe you could give me your number, and we could set up a proper date?”

A proper date? A date? He wanted to go on a date with him? For a minute there Liam thought he was still dreaming, and Zayn has started appearing in all of his dreams, not just the nightmares.

But no, this felt real. It wasn’t a dream.

“Sure,” Liam said, and he clumsily typed in his number on the keyboard of Zayn’s blackberry.

“Great,” Zayn proclaimed, “I’ll see you then.” He offered one last smile before he headed off.

“Did you just except a date?” Niall asked, baffled. “You haven’t been out with anyone for 6 months.”

“Well that guy isn’t just anyone,” Harry said, and then suffered a kick in the shoulder from Louis.

“You need to stop making comments like that, or I’m going to get seriously jealous.”

“Oh, and you’re not seriously jealous now?” Harry asked playfully, and then leaned to give his boyfriend a kiss that will convince him that there’s no need for jealousy.

“Hey, you two, not while I’m eating,” Niall cried out. 

“But you’re always eating,” Louis said once his lips were free from Harry’s.

“I need to go,” Liam announced suddenly, choosing not the answer Niall’s question from earlier. “I’ll see you guys later.”

He stood up and walked away quickly, wanting to get out of there before he needed to offer any more explanation to his friends.

When he came back to his dorm, he went straight for the top draw of his bedroom stand, pulling out a newspaper page from 6 months ago out of there. He scanned through the headline a couple of times, even though he already knew it, along side the rest of the article, by heart. 

“ _Man (31) gets killed after running drunk across the highway_ ”

He didn’t know what the man’s face looked like. He saw it of course, but it was dark and it all happened so quickly that he couldn’t remember it. When he pulled over, the man was lying on his back, so he couldn’t see it then. When the paramedics came, they turned him over, but there were so many of them around him, and Liam’s head was spinning, and the policemen were asking questions, and it was all too hectic for him to see his face. They didn’t publish his picture in the article, it was just a small piece, the media didn’t consider this man important enough. Liam couldn’t show up at the funeral, he couldn’t go to the man’s family and ask for a picture, he couldn’t even google him, because the man had a common name, and a lot of different people showed up in the search.

No one blamed him for it, not the media, not his family, not his friends, not even the man’s family for as far as he knew. He was a sober, responsible driver and this man was a local drunk, that according to some, even had a death wish.

But Liam knew the man wasn’t suicidal – he didn’t stand in the middle of the highway waiting for a car to hit him, he was trying to cross at, as crazy at that sounded.

No one blamed Liam, except for Liam himself.

And he blamed himself enough to make up for everyone else’s lack of blame.

Enough that he was having nightmares about it for three solid months now.

He didn’t know what the man’s face looked like, so he gave him a face of the handsome student he saw around the campus. Maybe the beauty of the face that was tormenting him was Liam’s way of increasing that torment even more.

In his dreams, he couldn’t run away from the guilt, it always caught up with him. It was the same in the real life, too, but not today. Not right now.

Right now Liam felt like he could push the guilt somewhere far away, somewhere from where it couldn’t control his life like it did till now.

The angel from his nightmare made him feel like he could be happy again. Truly happy, and not just enjoy a few stolen moments of joy like when his mum hugged him or held his ears gently while she kissed his forehead like she used to do when he was a kid. Or when Niall laughed so hard he forgot to breathe, or when Harry and Louis gave each other one of those looks that made Liam believe that soulmates do exist.

It was weird to think that one guy and a few exchanged words could cause such change, but Liam thought that maybe it was long time coming. Maybe he just needed a little push, a little something to hold onto as he climbed his way from the bottom of the darkness he was living in.

He folded the newspaper page and put it back in the drawer, doubting he’ll be pulling it out again any time soon.

His phone alerted him to a new message then and he pulled it out of his pocket.

A genuine smile, the one he hasn’t been wearing for a while, found the corners of his lips as he read through it.

_I know this is a little fast, but how about a movie tonight? xx Zayn_

_5 months later..._

_The warm rays of sun were caressing Liam’s skin as he was walking barefoot on the beach. He was alone and it was quiet, the only sounds being the crashing of the waves on the sand and the squawking of seagulls in the distance._ _  
_

_He felt oddly relaxed, like the smell of the ocean in the air erased every worry from his mind. He walked for several more minutes until he noticed a silhouette in front of him._

_He held his hand above his eyes to shield them from the sun, which helped him recognize the person he was looking at – it was Zayn._

_He called after him, but as soon as he heard him, Zayn started running. Liam was confused, but he figured that he wanted to be chased, so he started running too._

_But soon Liam realized that Zayn wasn’t running like he wanted to be caught - he didn’t slow down, didn’t laugh, didn’t even look back over his shoulder. He was running like his life depended on it._

_Tired and baffled, Liam came to a stop, and only when Zayn realized this, probably because of the missing sound of footsteps on the sand, did he let himself loose speed._

_“Why won’t you let me catch you?” Liam asked, making his voice loud enough to cross the distance between him and the older boy._

_Zayn turned around, and gave Liam a look so different than the one he was used to receiving from him - instead of kindness and love, it was filled with uneasiness and resentment._

_“Because I don’t want to be caught by you,” he yelled._

_“But why?”_

_“I deserve better,” he stated simply and more quietly, but still loud enough for Liam to hear him._

_Liam didn’t answer. There was nothing he could say that would contradict the other boy’s statement, nothing other than a lie anyway._

_Zayn glared at him with cold eyes for several more seconds, until he broke into a run again._

_Liam followed his lead, but he headed into the opposite direction. As he ran, the warm sand started feeling cold under his toes, the sounds of the waves and the seagulls were slowly dying away, and before he even realized, clouds settled in and it started raining._

_The raindrops were mixing with his tears, and he wouldn’t even know he was crying if it weren’t for the sobs that were making his whole body shake._

_He didn’t know why, but suddenly he turned towards the ocean with a wild need to dive beyond the surface, somehow imagining that that act would calm the sobs that were still molesting his body._

_But he couldn’t reach the water, whenever he would get nearer, it would move further away, like it feared whatever his touch would bring to it._

_He kept on trying and trying, but his efforts seemed useless…_

And then suddenly he was awake.

It took him a couple of seconds until he could fully bring his mind in the reality of the present moment, and when he did so, he took a look at the person lying next to him.

Zayn looked so beautiful while asleep, fuck, he looked beautiful all the time - his full lips slightly set apart, his long eyelashes placed gently under his eyes, visible in all their glory and his tanned skin glowing in the morning sun. 

Liam had to look away, he wanted to think, which was hard to do when a sight like that was distracting you.

This was his first dream Zayn made an appearance in since his nightmares stopped, and it wasn’t hard to figure out the meaning of it.

He clearly thought he didn’t deserve Zayn, or better yet he  _knew_  he didn’t. They have been together for five months now, and during that time Liam tried his best to push his guilt away, to dedicate himself to his current life, and he was doing just fine actually, that is, until Zayn told him he loved him.

He knew he should have been happy, but the only thought that was swimming in his mind at that moment was the one telling him how wrong all of it was. 

Zayn shouldn’t have been in love with a killer, and that killer most certainly shouldn’t have been in love with Zayn.

He hasn’t voiced any of those concerns to him of course, that would have actually recquired Liam to be honest, which was something that no matter how much he wanted to be, he just couldn’t when his boyfriend was the one in the question.

So Liam has continued to live as he has – adding another weight of guilt to his already burdened shoulders.

The melody of a ringing phone interrupted Liam’s thoughts, and he quickly got up to answer it, before it had the chance to wake Zayn up, even though that was highly unlikely considering how deep the other boy’s sleep usually was.

 _“You guys need to wake up,”_  Liam heard Harry say when he picked up the phone.

“And why do we need to do that? It’s not even-“ he tilted his head to take a look at the alarm clock on his night stand “-9 o’clock. And it’s Saturday, if by any chance you forgot.”

 _“Yes, and you two promised to come around and help me set everything up for the anniversary party, if by any chance_ you _forgot.”_

“Oh shit, I did forget,” Liam said, “but does it need to be right now? Zayn’s still asleep.”

_“Then get a fucking cannon, and wake the little lover boy up, we don’t have all day! Well actually we do, but there’s a lot of work to do, and I want everything to be perfect.”_

“Fine, I’ll do the best I can, see you soon,” Liam agreed, and waited until Harry answered with a quick “Hurry” until he hung up.

He then approached the lump on the bed that was Zayn, and began to shake it violently. He would have chosen a more gentle approach, a kiss maybe, but that did next to nothing when it came to stirring the other boy from his sleep.

The first few round of shakes only caused a couple of sleepy murmurs, but after two more Zayn finally open his eyes and announced that he’s awake.

He rubbed his eyes sleepily and then pulled Liam close and voiced a quiet “Good morning” before giving him a gentle kiss.

Liam wrapped his arms around his thin waist, resting his head in the crook of his neck.

“It’s not going to be such a good one after I tell you we need to get over to Harry’s and Louis’ and help Harry prepare the party for tonight,” he told him, his voice somewhat muffled by the fact that his lips were pressed pretty tightly to the skin of the other boy’s neck.

Zayn protested much less than Liam expected, and in half an hour they were already being ushered in the apartment by Harry, who they interrupted in the process of making a shopping list (that mostly consisted of different types of alcohol), which later in the day ended up being in the back of Liam’s pocket as he and Zayn roamed around the near-by supermarket.

When at Liam’s inquiry about Niall, Harry told them that he was handling the important job of keeping Louis busy, Liam protested that he could have done that, and Niall could have been his slave for the day.

Harry told him to shut up because he’s distracting him, and his “fun” brownies are going to get burnt, but his expression soften when Zayn shared that he couldn’t believe he and Louis have already been together for three years and that he thinks they’re perfect for each other, no matter how sappy that may sound.

“But shouldn’t this have been the other way around? Shouldn’t have he been the one preparing the party, and you the one preparing the romantic dinner tomorrow?” Liam asked, he’s been confused by this ever since the two of them shared their plans for their anniversary.

“Yes, but that’s precisely it, I’m doing this as a gift to him, and he’s doing the thing tomorrow as a gift to me,” Harry explained, his expression going incredibly soft as the words left his mouth.

They’ve managed to get everything ready for the time of the party, Niall bringing Louis when almost everyone was already there, so that he would get the full impact of it all.

The drinks and the “fun” brownies were passed around, the music was loud, Harry and Louis were inseparable (from each other and from their drinks) and soon everyone was at least a little bit drunk or high.

That is, everyone except Liam, but he was used to it, so he didn’t mind. He was still having fun, the thoughts he had this morning only occasionally dropping in for a visit, until a very drunk Niall explained to a much less drunk Zayn why Liam refused to sit behind a wheel, after the latter one jokingly said that he’s the man in the relationship because Liam didn’t drive.

Harry and Louis tried to give Zayn a more accurate description of the event than Niall’s “because the last time he drove he killed some guy”, while Liam didn’t seem able to get a single word out.

Zayn then dragged Liam out to the balcony, because that was the only place in the apartment that wasn’t filled with people, and stared him down with a glare that beheld disappointment and understanding at the same time.

“Why didn’t you tell me this?”

“I…it’s not something I wanted to talk about.”

“Not even to me?

“Especially not to you.”

“Why?”

“I can’t explain.”

“Try.”

“I guess I…I didn’t want you to feel how I feel.”

“And how’s that?”

“Like you deserve better,” Liam said, recycling the phrase Zayn himself used in his dream.

Zayn made a choking sound at that, and for a second Liam thought it was a reaction to an unspoken truth, but than Zayn proceeded to laugh, and his laugh didn’t halter until he noticed the totally unamused expression on his boyfriend’s face.

“Sorry, Li, but that’s one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard, if there’s someone who deserves better – it’s you.”

“You’re an idiot,” Liam said, but not in the  _you’re not really an idiot, you’re just silly and I love you_  sort of way, but more of a you’re  _an idiot for lying to me like that_  sort of way.

Zayn stepped closer and held Liam’s face in his hands, making him look him straight in the eyes as he declared “Trust me, Li, you’re the best person I know. Even this terrible thing that happened to you proves that – guilt is a sign of a morality.”

“I killed someone, Zayn, I  _killed_  someone, where is the moral in that?” Liam’s voice broke in the end and he could feel quite sobs erupt from inside of him. Zayn held him close, stroking his hair, while whispering reassurements in his ear.

“It wasn’t your fault, you need to believe me, it was never your fault, love.”

Liam heard the same thing from so many people before, but somehow hearing it from Zayn made a world of a difference, or maybe he just hasn’t heard it from anyone in a while, maybe people should never have stopped saying it, maybe then he would have believed it.

After spending a few more minutes crying, while listening to Zayn’s soft voice saying all the things he needed to hear, Liam detached himself from his grasp just enough to look him in the hazel eyes and say “Thank you”.

“Anytime,” Zayn answered. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Liam said, and then added more quietly, “the angel from my nightmare.”

“What was that?”

“Oh nothing,” Liam responded, wiping his tears away, “Sorry.”

Zayn smiled a confused smile before taking his boyfriend’s hand and leading him back to the party, pretty clueless about the weight of guilt that has been taken away from Liam’s shoulders and the shadow in the background of their relationship that has been washed away.


End file.
